TheVisionnaire member for 29 weeks 3 min Send a message

A few years ago, I had a close friend, who I’ll call Shayna, who was hell-bent on getting married and having children basically the moment she was done with school. Out of all my group of friends, most of us had this goal or intent as part of our plan at some point, but it was the only thing on Shayna’s radar. It was all she talked about, all she prepared for, and the only thing she said would make her happy. In fact, it was quite aggravating to be around her at times because she was so incapable of relating to anyone else or showing concern for others. Well, school ended, we all went our separate directions communicating less frequently, and I had the opportunity to reconnect with Shayna about a year later. She was still single, hadn’t been randomly knocked up, and wanted to vent to me about her frustrations as soon as I said hello. I asked her what she had been up to, and what she was doing to accomplish her goals. Keep in mind, Shayna is a gorgeous girl with an amazing personality… definitely a catchby just about anyone’s standards. She told me that she had gone on tons of dates, met quite a few guys that she considered potential for relationships, and that none of them ever went anywhere. She asked me what I thought the problem was, and why so many of our friends who didn’t really care to have a boyfriend or a husband were in very serious relationships.

Mildly concerned that I would be too forward and scar her for life, I proceeded as gingerly as possible with this answer:

What’s happening is nothing conscious in either your mind or their minds. But it all has roots in physics and natural laws. What it all comes down to is nothing is more unattractive or repelling than desperation. So despite your good looks and amazing personality, your desperation to be in a relationship is so permeating and smothering, in a psychological sense, that it is repelling these guys faster than you can finish your first date. The more unwelcome energy you hurl at another being, the more they must retract to accomodate all that energy. Until you can let go of the outcome and be whole and happy on your own, you will continue this pattern until someone else matches your unbalanced energy. And as evidenced by the multiple psychotic, trainwreck relationships we see and even find entertainment in, that is definitely NOT the type of relationship that will be healthy and make you ultimately happy.

Now I don’t know if Shayna ever took my semi-harsh advice, but as it applies to all networking, business relationships, and negotiations, this is a principle we can all apply to increase our effectiveness, revenue, and how we are received by others. It won’t matter what your product is… or how much a potential or current client needs or wants it. Because if desperation is oozing from your pores, that person will be subconsciously repelled and will end up going with another company, salesperson, or opportunity where the person exudes confidence and a sense of detachment.

This is, of course, sometimes easier said than done. When your mortgage is due, and you need to close that deal or little Billy won’t have Pampers and your beemer might be repo’d, it’s not exactly easy to sit back and practice detachment when your counterpart is backing out or unsure. Just like anything worth doing, it takes practice and dedication. You won’t just magically and effortlessly achieve this state of mental being. From numerous studies, we’ve learned that it takes the human brain approximately 30 days of repetition to make something become a habit. Make a conscious decision to focus your thoughts on abundance, on oneness with the world around you, and a knowing that no matter what, the things that you need will show up. Imagine how you will project an image of confidence and abundance to the people you deal with, how that energy will spread and make them feel comfortable, and even feel attracted to that energy.

If what we focus on grows, then focusing on the bad things that could happen if that transaction falls through, will only tip the scales against your favor. The energy you emit will be an almost palpable presence, and you will literally create your own worst-case scenario.

So let’s avoid being the business equivalent of my good friend, Shayna. Let the product or the service and your skills shine through without being clouded by your desperation for the deal. Begin with the end in mind, but also realize that even if this particular sale or deal doesn’t fly, something else will take its place. Nature abhors a vacuum. This applies not only in nature but in business and personal relationships. Take the time every day to exercise your mind with the same intent you do your body to keep fit, and those mental muscles will develop in a way that will allow you to consistently attract closed deals and inspire those around you.