Musings Of A Single Mom - On The Greens!

Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 20 weeks Send a message

My son finally made the varsity golf team. Whew! I say "whew" because if you know much about golf, most of the kids that are lucky enough to make the team do so because they have been playing since birth, have memberships at the local country clubs and a father who is really committed to them. Zach started playing golf when he was in 8th grade, we couldn't afford a membership at the country clubs and his dad....well that is another blog. I went with him. I learned how to play as he did. Amazingly, it turned out that of all the sports he ever participated in, he fell instantly in love with golf. Further, he is really good! I mean amazing good. He has a gift. It took him some time to catch up and learn all the techniques, the game, the rules and for his body to become fully coordinated, but this year his lucky stars aligned.

Okay, really it has nothing to do with luck. This kid eats, dreams and shits golf. When he didn’t make the team his freshman year he was so devastated. Then again his sophomore year he was only two points away and again it broke his heart. As a parent you want to protect your kids but you can't because you cheat them out of necessary lessons needed for later on in life when you can't coddle them.

So as much as I wanted to protect him, I didn't. I pushed him harder. I kept reminding him of Michael Jordon and other people that took many tries until they got it. I wouldn't, I refused to let him wallow in self-pity or feel sorry for himself or keep running negative thoughts through his head. I kept reminding him of how these people must have felt like failures and struggled with their own internal voices and how they had to keep on keeping on in spite of those voices. I would repeat over and over again, "DON’T GIVE UP KID!"

I can’t even begin to tell you how much golf has changed my son. He needed something like this in his life that challenged him, something that he loved, that he excelled at and could call his own and it has finally happened. I am so relieved. Today as I watched him hit the ball I almost just started crying. As I stood there watching him, I realized how beautiful he looked when he played and I was just so proud of him.

Even though I momentarily breathe a sigh of relief my job has just begun. This kid has a gift that is starting to get some real notice and my job as his mother is to keep him humble, to teach him how to stay grounded, to surround himself with good teachers, good friends and to listen to his gut.

So many people didn’t believe in him, so many people would criticize him or leave thoughts of doubt in his mind, “There are so many really talented kids who have been brought up playing golf your chances of being anything are really slim.” I would just want to DECK those idiots that would try and dash his hopes and dreams to pieces. The kid already struggled with self-esteem issues and we worked extra hard to build up his self-confidence. What parent doesn’t want their kids to succeed bad genes or good genes? We all want the very best for our kids.

It was in those moments that I would look him straight in the eye and tell him that he could do it and to “Keep your eye on the prize, keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel Zach.” I remember reading a story in one of Zig Ziglar’s books about a guy who was a sales man and had very little success in his sales career and when he came to Zig he was pretty much ready to give up. He was depressed and had a very low self-esteem. Zig gave him some very simple yet sound advice, “Go home and every chance you get, morning, noon and night, look in the mirror and say, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'” Zig told him, “When you go out on a sales call say this over and over in your head and see yourself closing the deal.” Well a few months went by and this guy went from being at the bottom of the sales team to being the number one sales guy in his office.

I would find stories like this and share them with Zach. Now Zach finds his own stories. His favorite is to learn everything about Tiger Woods. He loves Tiger and looks up to him in every way. He gets how determination, practice, discipline, patience and commitment have made Tiger who he is. So, we just kept encouraging him, believing in him, telling him he could do anything he put his mind to. And he did it. Today I had a little chat with him and reminded him to stay humble, be confident but not cocky, be disciplined, keep grounded and keep on believing in your dreams. His next goal is to try out for the U.S. Open next year. I think he can do it!

I would like to end this with this thought. I am glad that Zach didn’t make the golf team the first two years he tried out and I will tell you why. It has given him more appreciation for what he has achieved and he had to work really hard to get it. It wasn’t just handed to him. He had to work twice as hard as his class mates because they had been doing it way longer. His one coach Gary, who was awesome in his time, has two sons who are naturally talented at golf and they have no interest in it whatsoever and he wished that they had Zach’s tenacity and determination. He treated Zach like his own son. Gave Zach some amazing fatherly advice about life. His father also left his mother when he was just a little guy and his mom struggled as a single mom so he and Zach had a lot in common.

When Zach was little it was very difficult to find men that would take him under their wings without passing judgment on his situation. It was terrible for him and a huge contributor to his low self-esteem in the early years of his life. BUT we were able to over come it and even though I am NOT a man, I did everything in my power to teach this kid to believe in himself. As I started to gain more self-confidence it trickled, no spilled, over onto him. We grew together.

So, as heart wrenching as those two years were, it is a lesson for him to realize that life is not fair. I’m afraid if he would have made it right off the bat he would have gotten cocky and overly confident and trusted more in his gift than practicing and staying with it.

People like Zach. All of his coaches really enjoy talking to him and golfing with him. He has developed quite the personality and has turned into a little net-worker. I think because of everything he has been through and the way I treated him as a kid, he is very mature in a lot of respects as a 16 year old. He sees things that even adults can't see. One thing that I have really noticed is that many of these coaches have taken him under their wings and they want him to succeed and are all cheering him on.

I’m proud of my son regardless of his ability to play golf or whether he makes it to the pro’s or not, but I get such satisfaction out of the fact that he made in spite of all the people who told him/us that he couldn’t do it. He has had several golf pro’s tell him that he has Tiger’s swing and spectators watch and comment at how beautiful and graceful his golf swing is. My job is to keep his feet on the ground and stay rooted, grounded and humble. I tried to pick up a book on Tiger Woods today and surprisingly there are only three. I want to read up on Tiger and the techniques his father used to shape Tiger into the man he is today. Tiger is very humble and well grounded for the athletic superstar that he is and that is what I want for my son. In a world that seems to be crazy, I want my son to succeed but more importantly to succeed in all areas of his life including remaining humble and true to his values and morals.

Thanks for listening!

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Comments

1vida says:

I'm so happy for you and

Posted August 18th, 2008

I'm so happy for you and your son. My kids have always had to struggle to make teams and I think it has made their skin thicker. They've learned that you have to play for the love of the game. That's what kids need now a days- passion, a goal, something to strive for. I applaud you for doing such a good job as a single mom. It's hard enough to raise my kids with their dad around but... alone OH MY Smiling

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