This is another great question - "Can you tell the health of your relationship by the amount of sex you are having?"
I would have to say yes and I would think that many men would agree with me on this, in fact, if you watch our video you will notice that the gentleman we interviewed would have issues if the sex in the relationship started to decline from once a day to three times a week or twice a month. We interviewed many men on this subject and as humorous as it was, there was much honesty that resonated through the giggles. Unfortunately many of the men interviewed were not willing to be video taped do to their company policies, or positions in the corporate world.
One thing that I have found is that men across the board are frustrated about all the sex they get prior to getting married, then again getting pregnant and then are completely cut off. They feel frustrated. What happened to their excitable wife who liked a healthy, steady diet of sex. Was it all in the spirit of making a baby?
I can relate with men do to the fact that I have always had an incredibly high sex drive and that is 90% of where my motivation and personal drive comes from. Last week while at the doctor’s office, he noticed that around about the age of 25, my estrogen levels drastically plummeted and my testosterone levels spiked or took over, hence sending my sex drive over the top. Talk about frustrating. It is frustrating to be that turned on all of the time. I can only begin to imagine what men go through on a regular basis.
Because of my personal experience, I understand what it is like to have sexual thoughts jumping in and out of your brain every two to five seconds, to be dragged about by your hormones and even having drunken eyes of lust only to THANK GOD that my surging hormones and distorted vision crashed and burned before I cried. Don’t mistake a high sex-drive with a lack of self control.
I know this is a very taboo and difficult subject for many women and men to broach, especially women admitting that they are "horny." It is almost unladylike like for a woman to admit in candor that she is horny or excited. I think many women assume that as a requirement for women, we are supposed to spend our lives allegedly running from sex and complaining, "men just want sex all of the time, I don't want it at all!" I think that is changing for many women and they are finding that they do want sex too, but because of their dissatisfaction they give up, concluding they no longer enjoy sex.
Because I have a high-sex drive, enjoy sex, enjoy the release that follows any kind of orgasm, small or large, and know I would function at even higher levels if I were having sex on a regular basis, I openly admit that I would want sex on a daily basis....well at this point, three times a week would be great, I would even take twice a month, but alas I am holding out. For what? I have NO IDEA, but I will know him when I see him.
I would further admit that if there was a drop from once a day to once a week, I would start to be concerned and ask questions of my companion, mate, husband or whom ever......is there something wrong? Why, because I like sex, not just for the sake of having sex, but more for the benefits and releases that come with it. Sex is fun, sex is healthy, sex, touching, kissing, is enjoyable and is needed by most humans. It has the potential to be amazing if you can communicate with your partner openly and both are getting their physical and emotional needs met.
Many women unsatisfied with their sex life tend to put it on the back burner which is something I personally couldn't settle for. Why would you tie your life up with one partner only to cut yourself and him off from a very intimate act? That is hardly fair and I am always shocked when a woman is surprised that her man is cheating on her. I often ask, "How long since you have touched him or had sex with him?" And astonished when they respond, "six months," or worse, "a year." How can anyone expect someone to hold out for that amount of time, with the exception of the most extreme situations like illness?
As one man put it, "Men have sex to fulfill a need." Men will ultimately satisfy their need with or without you and now more than ever, so will women. If you are not satisfied with your sex life, now is as good of a time as any to start to figure out what turns you on, what you like, where you like to be touched and experiment with yourself before you start the dialogue with your partner. I don't have a penis and won't even pretend to think I know anything about one. I haven't the faintest clue on what men want, so I don't expect a man to know how to operate or function a vagina much less guess at what I WANT. I am all for asking and telling, giving and receiving.....communicate, communicate, and communicate.
Many women find that they are not satisfied only to lay there and allow their partner to think that he is satisfying her and both end up very frustrated or worse the man walks away ignorant, always getting off and you are starving. Who's fault is that? Maybe both, but I would start with me. Women, you must find that voice inside of yourself and speak up because someone will end of stepping out or leaving the relationship all together because sex is important. Although I do think our society places too much emphasis on sex.
Sex is fantastic, but it is not the end all and expectations are placed on men and women that are completely unrealistic. Women read romance novels and watch Hollywood love movies and men watch porn where women behave in ways that are not typical for the ordinary woman. More over, men are trying to be something women don't really want and women are trying to be something they think men want and both are leaving the bedroom emotionally unsatisfied. Get back to the basics and just have sex, the more you have it the more you are going to want it.
If you notice that your sex life is declining and you are unhappy with it, don’t ignore it and set it aside. It can be an indication that something is wrong. That being said, I DON'T recommend getting caught up in a number, talk about it, and start making yourself more available, throw the subject on the table and maybe look at how you might be contributing to the problem – aka: you are not satisfied because you don’t know what satisfies you! In this case, I highly recommend the book "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by John Gray before you start pointing your finger at your husband, lover, partner or whomever.
Here are some good articles:
Why She Can't Get No Satisfaction!
-Freda
Comments
Login or register to post a commentI think it is a toss up and
I think it is a toss up and if you both are happy with 2x's a week or 1x a month then who cares as long as you are satisfied. The problem comes in when one person is more sexual than the other. That can become very frustrating for anyone. Especially since women have embraced their sexuality and are more open about their needs. I know I want sex as much, sometime more than some of the partners I have dated. It can be off putting to them. I go through cycles.
The sex is always great in
The sex is always great in the beginning. Then reality sets in, "oh yeah, i have a job and responsibilities that i can't keep ignoring to have great, mind blowing sex". It tapers down to 2 times a week, then eventually 1 time, to once a month. By that time your trying to fit it in your schedule. It may seem routine or rushed. Eventually it becomes flat out boring. It doesn't mean your sex drive is gone it just isn't easily exited because the newness of the relationship is gone. This is where SEX becomes work. WHAT? Yes, you actually have to work at making it exciting, mind blowing, passionate sex. I think about sex all day long. But the bottom line is I have an extremely demanding life so by the time dinner hits the table I am practically falling asleep in my food. But if it were up to my sex drive I would have sex at least 3 times a week.