Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 25 weeks Send a message

After reading the blog on "Musings of an Alpha Woman," I had to share this article I recently read and how it might also contribute to the way many men view strong, independent females and why we pose a threat instead of being viewed as a fresh opportunity.

The article is called, "The Secret to Raising Smart Kids," by Carol S. Dweck and published in Scientific American. I can't say that I am going to do any justice with my summary or interpretation, but I wanted to point out some of the interesting facts regarding children who are are encouraged by challenge and those who are defeated by challenge and the possibilities of the similarity with us as adults, especially with men and the empowered woman who constantly poses a challenge to him. If viewed correctly, Alpha Women need not upset a man's confidence level or self-esteem, but rather find her as stimulating, intelligent, exciting, and an opportunity instead of threatening.

Carol states that our society as a whole places so much emphasis on talent and many people assume that possessing superior intelligence or "ability" is the recipe to success. I would suggest that we take that one step further and also say, that as a society we place a lot of emphasis on physical appearance and financial status too.

But, the point of the article is that we place to much focus on talent, intelligence and ability and very little on the "effort" that goes into being successful. She says that we spend so much time telling our kids how great they are and how intelligent or "gifted" they are, when thirty years of research says that instead the key to success is focusing on their effort.

Why does this matter you ask? Kids who are taught to focus on their talent and ability somehow internalize that challenging themselves to grow or learning is far less important, obsolete even, and that "looking" smart or "being" smart to be far more important. This belief causes them to view challenges, obstacles, and mistakes through very skewed eyes resulting in a constant feeling of threat to their ego's instead of opportunities to improve. This belief causes them to loose confidence, motivation, and become defensive when the work is no longer easy for them.

Praising their innate abilities reinforces this mind-set says, Carol Dweck, and can prevent young athletes, people in the workforce and even marriages from living up to their full potential. On the contrary, Carol and her team teach children and people to have a "growth mind-set" which encourages a focus on effort rather than on intelligence or talent. This makes them into high achievers in school and in life.

There is more to this article and I suggest you read it. It is very interesting, especially for parents who place a lot of pressure on their kids. Try focusing on their effort instead of their innate talents so they are more well balanced and confident in their adult lives.

What does this have to do with men and confident women you ask? Could it be that men who are constantly praised for their looks, for their talent, for their financial status, when approached by a strong, confident female comes completely unglued. Becomes scared of her intelligence, her sophistication, her independence that challenges everything that he has believed about himself. Causing him to be afraid to move in his own skin. To be afraid of making a mistake, being viewed as stupid or ignorant and feels she is a direct threat to his ego and how he sees himself?

Could it be that the equality that we women are searching for is wrapped up in many men's self-esteem and one's own belief system? Instead of seeing a woman as an equal, someone who might possibly teach him something, an opportunity to grow, a situation to exude more effort and reach beyond his current capacity, he looses confidence in himself, becomes defensive and lashes out at her blaming her for these feelings that she brings to the surface when she is around.

If we continue to reward men for doing "simple" things for us, never really challenging them, then aren't we really babying them. Are we not coddling them and actually insulting their intelligence? We passify their ego's with insignificant things such as flirting, stroking their ego's and then make fun of them behind their back....."all men want is sex. Men only think with their penis. Men are easy, just lift your skirt up and they will do anything you want them to." Are we encouraging the very thing that we claim to hate in men?

These are just some of the thoughts that came to mind after reading this article.