anjewoodruffe member for 33 weeks 2 days Send a message

Ugh.
Eww.
Don’t wanna.
Don’t make me.

If you’re like me, visiting your Gyn probably brings on these kinds of negative emotions. It is probably the least glamorous and most torturous female doctor visits. You put on the icky blue gown that opens at the back, you hope your Suzie Smalls still smells like raspberry-vanilla at 4pm, you stop at the CVS and get some Summer’s Eve cleansing cloths just in case; you swear under your breath because you thought you should have shave more and you secretly try to do one last set of 20 kegel exercises to prove to your Gyn that you haven’t been getting months of deep dickin’. You actually want to flinch when they stick that cold thing up in you.

Again – ugh.
So what happens:

While you lie on an exam table, the doctor puts a speculum into your vagina, opening it to see the cervix. He/she will then use a special stick or brush to take a few cells from inside and around the cervix [sound effect scrape scrape]. The cells are placed on a glass slide and sent to a lab for examination.

Then you sweat it out and wait for week… or in my particular case – almost two weeks. So I was waiting for the news I was expecting which was “your pap smear was abnormal”. While the news did not surprise me since I have a fibroid, it did bug me when I read my lab report. Abnormal test results do not mean you have cancer. It can be a ‘problem’ with the cervix. Also, some pap tests show false positives which can be evaluated after further exams.

My Gyn recommended me getting a colposcopy which is a tool like a magnifying glass which the doctor uses to see the cells of the vagina and cervix in detail. While the doctor insists it’s merely uncomfortable – I take that to mean some minor pain. [I personally plan on taking at least ½ a Xanax before the procedure]. The FDA recently approved the LUMA Cervical Imaging System. The doctor uses this device right after a colposcopy. It can help doctors see areas on the cervix that are likely to contain precancerous cells. The doctor uses this device right after a colposcopy. This system shines a light on the cervix and looks at how different areas of the cervix respond to this light. It gives a score to tiny areas of the cervix. It then makes a color map that helps the doctor decide where to further test the tissue with a biopsy. The colors and patterns on the map help the doctor tell between healthy tissue and tissue that might be diseased.

Now- here’s the catch 22 that has been causing me several nights of unwanted distress. The Pap test results indicated I was “high risk”. When I asked “for what”, the doctor said, “We don’t know”. Then she said, “You may be HPV positive but it doesn’t mean you have HPV”. Then she says, “It can all be nothing but we just have to be sure since your results indicated ACS-US”. That means Atypical Cells of Undetermined Significance i.e. it was mildly abnormal ala cellular changes with cause unknown.

Seems like there are a lot of gynecological unknowns and an awful lot of $20 co-pays to a doctor who keeps telling me that based on ‘something’ being wrong they need to keep looking to ensure that everything is alright. The ‘something’ is unknown and the alright is possible. Somehow I don’t find that comforting. Almost to the point where I am beginning to believe that it is a HMO conspiracy to get as many co-pays as possible and for the doctors to bill back the insurance company for as many tests as possible. I have to believe, since I had a physical with full blood work just days before my pap smear, and it call came back –ve, that I am fine. On the flip side, if there could be something wrong, early detection is the smartest way to combat any potential issues.

I am not sure how this whole Gyn escapade is gonna end but I find it very frustrating.

9/12/08
I had the darn coloscopy done yesterday and boy was I glad I popped a Xanax and 3 Motrin before going!! My vagina was held under arrest (or coloscope - whichever you prefer) since while my Doc was in there, she saw some "white cells" and casually announced "I'm gonna do a bioposy". These white cells can make someone test HPV positive and all that means is that you may be high risk for developing cancer cells. It does not mean you have cancer.

I was properly warned about the bioposy and the words that were used were "painful" and "cramps" followed by "bleeding". So can you imagine, how happy I was to hear this news while spreadeagle and as far as I was concerned, not prepared! I can't even imagine how much it would have hurt had I not taken the pill cocktail I made for myself. Seriously.

While my GYN may have assumed that I wasn't planning on having kids ala my use of birth control, she may have wanted to mention that I need to let her lil cervical SNIP heal, before attempting to do so. (Added to which: the man is back and now I can have No lovin for another week. Thanks Dr Byatch).

I am pretty pissed off.
As far as I see it, what she did was right up there with a surgical procedure with no anesthetic (think wire hanger abortion)and - guess what -VINEGAR! Yes - vinegar was used to "swab" the area so she could see better but ACID ...burns. Again, luckily... I was feeling numb and very relaxed so I barely felt the sting. However, I do remember feeling the needle she used to go up in there with - UGH. I can still feel it in my stomach right now. When all was said and done, she shoved a tampon of some medicine or the other so I wouldn't bleed, had the nerve to ask me "how are you feeling" and I left.

So now I get to wait another week or so for the results.

I'm only 33 and this was my first ever abnormal pap smear and I am glad that I asked a lot of questions from other people, before I went in the room.

Just a word to all the women who may read this: get yourself checked out. There is no brilliance in ignorance. I was doing a routine pap smear and so far this is the result. If you are sexually active and especially if you have been changing partners, I urge you to make the call and set up the appointment.

Hopefully they aren't all this traumatic but if anyone finds themselves in my shoes, I hope you at least can learn what to ask before you go and like a girl scout, you can 'be prepared'.

September 23rd, 2008.

After sweating it out for almost two weeks the final analysis is Mild Dysplasia. Translation: Keep an eye on my cervical region but do nothing for now.

For the clinical explantation:
Cervical dysplasia is a term to describe disordered cell growth on the cervix. Depending on the amount and special characteristics of changed cells this condition is classified as mild, moderate or severe dysplasia. Women having a diagnosis of mild cervical dysplasia should undergo a follow-up Pap smear in three or six months. In a majority of cases mild dysplasia disappears without any treatment.

I am indeed relieved that the results of my colopscopy didn't say "cancer" but I am also very annoyed at the HMO process that makes doctors think they need to submit tons of procedures to rack up the claim bill.

For example:
I called to ask if the test results were ready and the rude receptionist said "yes" so I asked if I can have them over the phone. She said "the doctor needs to see you". I didn't mean to be insistent but I've had the results of my HIV test read to me over the phone without any argument but the heffer didn't budge and refused to put the doctor on the phone.

I went to the doctor's office - very agitated, then she says " can we have a urine sample please" so I asked "what the hell for?". The nurse said " It's normal". I said, " I came to get my test results, I don't think I need to leave a urine sample to be told the results of a biopsy I did two weeks ago". What the f-!

So they asked me to go into the little room and the doctor comes in and says " I need to examine you to see if you have healed". I said " I'm fine; no bleeding or reaction. Just the results please".

Then she tells me that I have mild Dysplasia and that no further action is required at the moment. What was so 'delicate' in that information that could not be transmitted over the phone?? Seriously. So I asked her for a prescription for Diflucan which I like to keep in the medicine cabinet since I don't like the over the counter messy creams. So she says, "Let me do a culture for a yeast infection".

At that point I wanted to say " Why don't I roll you on your back, put your damn legs in the stirrups and just swab and poke around until I can bill the insurance company for 10 different exams".

Give me a freaking break. NO - you do not go back in my Va-JJ!! And, when I was leaving, I asked the receptionist for a copy of my test results and she said, " You need to ask the doctor". So I asked, " Why - so she can create another reason to bill the insurance company? They are my test results and if you don't want to give them to me, you can fax them to my attorney when he calls!".

I stormed out. Needless to say - I will not be going back to that doctor and I have spoken to my PCP about her so called practise. I would not recommend someone I hate to go there... I see a posting on yelp.com forthcoming.

While I know I should have been celebrating (I kinda did with a brand new Chocolate, signature Mini-Skinny from Coach ), I felt that I had been used by the darn HMO system and this doctor was just doing irrelevant things to submit a huge claim form to my insurance company.

I am definitely going to file a complaint. Not sure to whom just yet but I am sure a little investigation never hurt anyone with "honorable" practise!

Survey says: Lusty Loins will straddle another day!