member for 1 year 25 weeks
Have you ever wondered why successful people end up being the envy and target of unhappy, angry, unsuccessful people?
Especially amongst women. I am astonished at how it ISN’T always power-hungry males, that keep women down, but it is our fellow unhappy, insecure female workers, frienemies, neighbors, etc. that want to keep us down and hold us back.
I have noticed that when you are navigating “your ship” and taking an active role and responsibility for your life and happiness, it is other women who end up starting ugly rumors, spreading lies and cutting you down. Don't get me wrong, there are some men out there that are just as bad or worse then females at the rumor mill.
I always thought that the main reason why women spread ugly rumors was because they were extremely unhappy with their own life and jealous of others. Due to this, they feel the need to displace their self contempt on others who are living their lives the way they wish they were. This allows them to take the focus off of their unhappy selves and make changes. However, I was talking with my mom recently about this subject and with her psychology background she shed some new light on the mindset of the gossiper. She said that these women are not only extremely unhappy, but more importantly, they are very angry and it shows through the viciousness in their gossip. It is one thing to share some facts about people; it is a completely different thing when you make up lies about someone to destroy their character and or reputation. After all, all we have is our reputation and name.
I am no stranger to the scathing remarks of many unhappy women. However, as much as some of the comments said are very hurtful, I have learned to take my father's approach on how to handle this, “Be happier, succeed more, and let it roll right off your back. You know who you are, don’t let some jerk take you down to their level.”
My father says that whether you are male or female, when you are happy with your life, happy with who you are, and happy about being alive, you automatically become the target of many other people who are seething inside. Misery loves company. They direct their unhappiness to those around them who are happy to try and bring them down to their level of misery. They just can’t be happy for others, they don’t have the desire or capability to make the necessary changes in their own miserable life or for that matter, take responsibility and ownership of their miserable mindset or attitude. So, they turn outside of themselves, and the rest of us suffer for it.
I am so thankful for the solid female friendships that I have. The happier my friends and I are collectively and independently leaves us a moving target for many remarks by these unhappy people. But, it makes us stronger and we just laugh louder. I am happy for each one of my girlfriends successes and am a shoulder for them in times when they feel as if they failed or fallen short. I also think it is important to support and encourage each other to be the best that we can be. I really believe that "there is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." There is nothing more fulfilling in life then good friendships, good people and sharing your life with people who care about you!
As my father would say, “Don’t let unhappy people get in your way.Just because someone else is full of contempt and ugliness, doesn’t mean that it is your issue. Don’t take on other people’s insecurities or personal issues. Be aware of them, but also realize that it’s their baggage, not yours. Ultimately, if you allow them to, they will try to drag you down. So, his advice is to get the hell away and keep an arm's length distance at all times. I couldn't say it any better! No matter how attractive you are, when you are ugly on the inside it comes through on the outside. So, BE HAPPY and feel sorry for those who aren't smart enough to make themselves happy!!
Comments
Login or register to post a commentIt's called vulturing and when it happens at work.....
Freda your father is absolutely right, your happiness, or ease with yourself really does trouble other people. It's as if your happiness is a personal insult to them and they will do whatever they can (including lie, I've discovered) to break you down.
I've just come to the end of an ugly situation where I believe my only 'crime' was that of being entirely myself. My take now is that self-confidence is power and it can be intimidating. [Of course if you add to that a reasonably good education and a solid command of language, then God help you.] I once had a very senior co-worker tell me (when I'd been at the organization no more than 8 weeks as a temp struggling to impress and land a job), that I could be intimidating. When I was later moved to work with someone else, that second person stressed me out to the point of hospitalization. While I was out sick, he reported to the manager of our team that he could no longer work with me and that I had to be removed from my job. I was reassigned rather than terminated, but maligned behind my back which ultimately prevented me finding another spot.
The result of all this was much trauma. I felt like I was in a war zone. Neither of the people I mentioned was female. Clearly, envy (and the malevolent action it can breed) knows no gender. There may also have been women who were intimidated and did their attacks on the quiet but I'll never know.
The critical learning for me, has been that I need to understand what my source(s) of power are and make a decision as to how (or IF) I'll manage those things about myself that frighten others. I've also come to realize that when people tell you that you've intimidated them, what they're really saying is that they're afraid of you. Take it from me, you don't want that. That outcome is particularly dangerous if you're in a position of weakness relative to the frightened party. It's funny, I was googling last night for writings on "how not to intimidate people" and all I could find was stuff telling you HOW TO intimidate. Interesting huh? I know I'm not the only person with this problem, so how come there are no "How to's" out there?
At any rate, my current plan is to lay low to the ground. I figure if I stay quiet - speak when spoken to kind of thing - I'll be OK. Snipers have far more trouble picking off small targets. Watch me be a very small target, miniscule even. I may have to take a page out of your book Freda, and find my own independent way in the world.
I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for giving me somewhere to put it. I've just noticed that your post was originally done August 1, 2007 and here I am replying August 1, 2008. Is that Divine coincidence or what??