Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 25 weeks Send a message

One thing that I have really learned in the past six months is how to manage my fear and be open to change. All too often, we magnify our situations even though nothing has happened yet. We dramatize the outcome without going through the storm and scare the shit out of ourselves. We say things like: "What if?" and the problem when we do that is, our experience becomes our reality. We create the emotions and the feelings that accompany the outcomes before they are even necessary.

In driving school at the Autobahn one of the teachers shared that when people are in the process of getting into an accident they say, "I don't want to hit that tree," but, instead of taking their eyes off the tree and focusing on where they want the car to go, they stare at the tree and where you stare is where you end up.

What does that mean? I have spent the past few months reflecting over my life and have seen myself do this very thing in many situations. I have been so afraid of the future, wanting to be in control of every aspect of my life, wanting guarantees or trying to create guaranteed outcomes for situations. I recently realized that the more I am open to change, the more I can override my fear and feelings of discomfort and be open to outcomes that I didn't try to create. I would venture to say, 99 percent of the time things are way better than I have ever anticipated or any outcome I would have ever imagined. Really, it is true.

When there was a complete backlash in the mortgage industry, I was scared to death at what that would translate into for me. The fear was so real that it affected me to the core of my existence. I was so stressed out, had a ton of anxiety but the truth is, I would have never thought up Alpha Women Media, Inc. Was it scary? Hell yeah! Was it risky? Hell yeah! But, ask me if I regret it. NO WAY. As a result, I realized that my fear was unnecessary. In fact, Margaret Heffernan, author of "How She Does It: How Women Entrepreneurs Are Changing the Rules of Business Success," says that women starting businesses are willing to accept higher levels of risk in business primarily because they don't believe there's safety inside large corporations (or marriage or men for that matter). They've seen companies downsized, re-engineered and restructured almost right out of business. The lesson more and more women are taking away is that nobody is going to look out for them except themselves!

If I would have let my fear consume me, I would ended up cowering in a corner and telling myself I was a failure. All too often fear stems from our pride and our egos getting in the way. The thoughts that we tell ourselves, we internalize and believe to be true about ourselves. A good business person shakes off those feelings and thoughts, takes away the valuable lessons and doesn't deem themselves a failure. Instead, they make every effort to grow and transforms into a wiser, sharper, savvier person, bouncing back stronger and more brilliant than before. It is the experience of such trials and tribulations that make the best, most successful business people in the world.

So, if you have experienced some trials and tribulations in your personal or professional life, don't fret. Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay open to all the opportunities around you and be a learner. When you fall into the trap of self pity, you get stuck in ugly thoughts that weigh you down mentally, physically, spiritually and cut you off from all the possibilities around you. You get stuck in darkness. When one door closes, another door opens and you would be surprised at what lies on the other side of that door. When you get stuck in self pity, you miss out on the valuable lessons that will transform you and then you are no better off than you were before - the experience is useless. Your faith and feelings must part company. Hold on regardless of what your feelings are screaming to you. Whether it is the death of a business dream or getting divorced, knowing when to forge on or whether, and when, to give up is what matters. As scary as these things may seem, if you keep your mind open something absolutely fantastic will evolve out of your experience. I can assure you of that.

With that in mind, don't focus on the tree! Keep your eyes on where you want to go and judge your life from where you have come!