Musings of an AlphaWoman!

Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 25 weeks Send a message

If one more man calls me an Alpha "girl" I am going to leave him with a black eye. In the past 30 days, Christine and I have been derogatorily referred to as "girls" by insecure, old enough to know better, men!

Let me set the scene for you. Last November I happened to run into this guy who we will refer to as "George" and who could not, no matter how hard he tried, get over the fact that I was a woman..........and to his disappointment.........not a girl. He even went to the extent of making me a chef's jacket with "alphagirl" embroidered on the jacket pocket. I resisted and said nothing, but I did discard the jacket. I figured anyone that scared to call me a "woman" is not someone I will ever be considered an equal with.

The second scenario was after the Chicago Auto Show's First Look Black Tie Charity event. After previewing the latest and greatest models in high powered engines, Christine and I headed over to the Peninsula Bar for a late dinner. All dressed up in our lovely gowns we hardly looked like "girls." In fact, we were a sight to behold. Minding our own business, talking over wine and cheese, three older gentlemen plopped their asses down next to us. At first, we thought nothing of it and continued with our very involved conversation only to be interrupted by these men and their rudeness.

We maintained politeness, answered their questions and when they asked us what we did.........I said jokingly we were "high-end prostitutes." As their eyes lit up like stars, we pulled out our business cards and handed them over. What a mistake! As soon as they saw "Alpha Women," the jousting began. I have no patience for rudeness no matter what shape, size or gender form it comes in and these men were no exception. Mind you, I have a temper. I tried and tried to maintain my composure at their onslaughts and hurtful blows, until they called us "Alpha Girls" and then I lost it. From what I can remember, I stood up, dropped my shawl and looked at all three of these nasty men and said, "Do I look like a F#%King girl to you?"

I will not repeat what ensued or what I said to these gentleman because I still can't believe that I said it. Needless to say, I think they will think twice before ever being asses to another confident, successful woman. When I repeated the story to my parents, they were crying on the floor. They too were shocked at the response I darted back before paying the bill and excusing ourselves from such distasteful company. I can't imagine how women put up with men such as them. They had money, they were educated, they had "good" jobs, yet it eludes me at how ignorant they really were and how many women tolerate that behavior for the security of money and having a man.

The last incident was more recent and again, it always follows with the handing out of the business card. I will never understand why some men have a hard time with strong, successful women. My mom said it is because they don't know what to do with us. They only know how to interact with childlike women who oooo and ahhh over their accomplishments and suppress their own achievements for the sake of the man's self-esteem. My father is astonished at how weak so many men truly are.

Christine and I were invited to participate in an event that will remain nameless. We arrived to be greeted by our host and a potential media contact. We were excited and ready to meet the crowd and make new friends. What a disappointment it turned out to be. It was the same old same old event. Attractive twenty-something year old women, scantly clothed, pawing over single, available, ego-stricken, financially successful men whose jeans were so tight it was any wonder their heads didn't explode from the lack of oxygen they were getting.

There was one man in particular who was incredibly full of himself or scared, I couldn't figure out which it was. A grown man who was educated. A grown man who was educated in the art of Psychology and specialized in communication and relationships who had no relating skills whatsoever. He was half sarcastic and half dick. He insulted the girls that were sitting with us and half insulted Christine, when he turned his insults towards me and said, "So, is there a secret Alpha Girl handshake?"

Seriously, what are we, in pre-school? Are we six-years-old? For a man who is approaching forty, with his level of education to be that fricken immature is mind boggling to me. Once again, I kindly stood up, removed my jacket and in a very low tone said, "Sweetheart, do I look like a girl to you?" Really, those are the type of guys who crawl on top of a woman, get off and crawl off. It is all about them. They wouldn't have the faintest clue as to how to operate a real woman or what goes into her. They see her as a threat, not someone who challenges them or causes them to grow or think. My GOD.......a woman who can make a man think! Holy Shit.

Sad thing is.........he allegedly gives seminars to women on "how to be sexy." I will reserve my comments for an entirely different blog. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME?????

My final thoughts. Any man who sees me as a threat, who views me as someone to be scared of, or intimidated by, is not a man at all. We need to stop feeling sorry for men and throwing pity parties for them that their feelings are getting hurt and they are confused by women who are capable and willing to come along side of them and be a true partner. That mentality is what has caused the shift and weakening of men. Men will rise to the challenge, and ladies, they want to be challenged when presented with one. They want to be all that they can be...........the problem is.........NO ONE is challenging them, especially women. I think because of the heavily imbalanced ratio of men to women, women are jumping through hoops and settling for less than acceptable standards because they are scared of being alone.

Aw girls, don't do it. Don't cut yourself short. At the very least, marry him and then challenge him. You will be glad that you did. Guys get bored really fast of girls that don't make them think or grow.

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You are both attractive and interesting. I could see where men would be drawn to you and I'm glad that you aren't putting up with rude behavior. Too often women do not trust their inner self. They tolerate situations that they shouldn't. The man may be really good looking or perhaps successful in business and we females tend to think that our perception is not accurate. He couldn't be where he is with that type of behavior. You might tell yourself that he is really not that ignorant. I've learned through experience to trust my instincts - they usually are correct.

I'm so glad that you put a halt to the conversation by adjusting the assumptions of the men. I'm sure they had some vigorous conversations about their experience with you.

We are always growing or dying. I for one am tired of enduring conversations that I am dying to get out of. I would much rather graciously excuse myself and move on. It's a big world out there and it's filled with interesting people - all we've got to do is find them. Just because some small minded male is threatened by us doesn't mean that we need to be polite until he is finished being insulting. I like to interrupt with something like "please excuse me but I see someone that I need to talk with". Being free to just walk away feels so good.

I'm sure that you haven't come as far as you have by allowing men to walk all over you. We both know that men do that because they always have. Walking over women is a way of life with them. I'm glad you showed them a women that they couldn't do that to. Good for you.

Comments

JC1985 says:

Sad but true

Posted February 26th, 2008

I agree with all of you. Most middle aged men are not capable of dealing with or having relationships with smart, successful and confident women. They may chase us and claim to want us, but when they get us, they haven’t a clue. Men of our generation were raised by women who worked, not women who had careers. We all know there is a big difference. It will be interesting to see if the generation of men we are raising will handle their relationships more successfully than their fathers did.
Some women are guilty of it as well. My mother (a career woman) brags to her friends that her son is successful enough that his wife doesn’t have to work. She is almost ashamed to tell them that I am successful enough for my husband not to work. She feels bad that I have to shoulder the burden of providing for my family alone. Yes, I have called her on it and yes, she admits to the double standard.
I also hate being called a girl or, worse yet, a gal.