Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 25 weeks Send a message

I have been thinking about this topic for several weeks now. I find all too often that it is much easier to joke, poke, say nothing, anything and everything except for what you really mean. Jay Leno makes a point not to tell jokes about his wife on his show because there is always truth in the poke. I find that all too true. Instead of saying what I really want to say, I take a poke and make a joke. Usually it is funny, but lately I realize that it is very difficult for me to say what I want to say to the people who I care the most about. I think somehow I have convoluted the good with the bad and thrown them into one big heaping pile. Unfortunately, everyone suffers for the few.

Now, I am not saying to lose your sense of humor or not be funny, but if you've got something to say, well then, why don't you just say it? I am finding that what is scary about saying what you mean to the people you care most about is their response to your feelings. After all, it takes a great deal of courage to muster up the gumption to expose the insides of your heart. It can be your husband, your boyfriend, your sister, your children, your parents, so on and so forth. To bare your soul in a meaningful way can come back to bite you in the ass! It is much easier for me to abandon my feelings and be void of emotion in order to protect myself from any hurt or desired expectations.

My son is turning 16 soon, and with every passing day, I think he is getting a bit more attitude and well, is acting like a full blown teenager. I fluctuate between frustration, anger and sometimes hatred and then back to love, all in one moment. Ugh. The woes of parenthood. Lately though, instead of trying to convince him why I am right, I have been thinking about how I want the conversation to end. I want him to know two things: I love him dearly and I am his parent, not his friend. I know that someday he will thank me for being a parent even though right now he doesn't understand my stance or decisions on various important topics to the teenage years! After all he says, "you were a teenager once too, MOM!" I just want to get him to adulthood alive and in one piece.

Amongst all the heightened conversations with my son, I am really learning to say what I mean but really say it like I mean it--and I don't mean the anger and authority part, either. During the day I often think about him and how fast he is growing up. With him turning 16 in December, he is not my little boy anymore and I just really want to impress upon him that I love him and I am here for him. I want to keep the air waves of communication open, no matter how frustrated I get at his decision making process. He has to know that no matter what, I am just a text or phone call away.  I want to be the first person he calls if he is in trouble.

I guess the older I get, I realize some people are really worth investing in. It is worth it to put your heart out there and just be up front and personal. I want the people I care about, the people close to me, to know exactly how I feel about them, so in the event anything should happen to me or them, I know they know where we stood with each other. It is so much easier this way, things get resolved a lot quicker, there are no grudges to carry, no axes to bury, and sometimes you burn a bridge if it isn't structurally sound. I stay away from the wrong people and focus my energy on the right people. After all, it is the wrong people who burn us that make the rest of the people who are worthy of your love and affection suffer. It takes a little bit of time to learn the difference between the two. One thing is for certain, it comes much easier with age.

So this week and every week, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say!"